Life Update: Settling into Boston and Embracing a Fresh Start

Hi friends, it’s me. I’m sorry for being so absent these past few months, life moves quickly (and sometimes you’ve used up all your free website space and put off forking over the $$$ to upgrade, oops).

Since my last post, Matthew, Finn, and I packed up our lives and drove across the country to Boston, Massachusetts from our hometown of Des Moines, Iowa. We left behind all our friends, family, and an apartment I absolutely adored to chase my dream of moving away from Iowa (I am a very lucky girl to have a partner who is so willing to help me life the life I hoped I would). I'd be lying if I told you the process of leaving wasn’t beyond scary, even though we had a pretty cushy time with it all. Neither Matt or I are good at goodbyes, and his family was incredibly sad to see Matt move away. However, the company I work for handled most of the logistics of moving, as relocation is part of the job. It would've been impossible to turn down such a cool opportunity.

bestie Ava and I

the girl gang and I

Matthew and his bff Gage

My mother and grandmother organized a going away party for us two weeks before we left, we invited our friends and Matt’s family to celebrate. It was simple and sweet, and we all enjoyed Erika’s Boston Cream Pie while visiting with one another. It filled my heart to see the people we love so eager to celebrate us and our success. It made me even more appreciative of the people who have taken a genuine interest in our lives, and those who are happy to see us happy. However, in the same breath, it also highlighted the people who were apathetic to our accomplishments, which was disappointing but still appreciated, because now we know who is cheering us on, and those who just couldn't muster up the effort.

It’s not that people weren’t allowed to be busy, or have conflicting schedules, but there were a few “friends” who seemed to make any excuse not to be there. Specifically, there were two of Matt’s buddies that complained about the 20-minute drive from the east side to my grandmother’s house, and then made comments questioning why they would even want to attend if we were just going to our Friendsgiving afterwards anyway. It hurt my heart to know that they didn’t want to wish us well or send us off, specifically Matt because regardless of what they see, he is such a supportive friend, even when I have a less than positive impression of them. Despite all the love that was poured onto us, it was impossible for me to completely erase the sting of realizing that I am insignificant to some the people I kept close. One of my roommates from college, a girl who I considered to be a close friend, not only chose to spend her time elsewhere during my going away party with my mom's side, but also bailed on the dinner with my father's family that she'd promised to attend to make up for her previous absence. She casually told me she wouldn't be attending either event, and when I didn't reach out I didn’t receive so much as a goodbye when I left. She was actually inside our complex visiting a girl I introduced her to for hours on the last night we spent in our Des Moines apartment. It isn’t my place to air all the dirty laundry, but seeing how I was treated during this time really opened my eyes to what I was subjecting myself to in our "friendship." Truly ucky vibes.

I'm at a time in my life where I want friends who are happy to cheer me on, and I want to cheer on my friends’ success as well. If you can’t do that, then I can’t consider us friends. In an effort of full transparency, not one of my girlfriends that I knew before Matt coming into my life came to celebrate us. Each of them have their own excuses, with varying degrees of validity, but damn if it didn't burn my self image a little bit. My cousin, Brooke, and I even had a minor falling out because I called her out on flaking (to this day she claims she was sick but at the time I thought she just came up with an excuse to bail). After a tense week of silence between us, B reached out and apologized for hurting my feelings. Of course, that's all I had really wanted from her and since then we've been just as close as we always have been. I consider us sisters in everyway besides the family tree, and I'm grateful that I have someone in my life that I can have a hard conversation with and it not turn nuclear. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't need perfect friends. I just want people who care, and I know that Brooke cares and knows I love her in return. Despite me harping on the bad, I also have to appreciate the good. Our leaving showed me that the people that I had really regarded as "Matthew's people" have officially transitioned into being my people now too, and it made me happy to see Matt is so well loved.

All-in-all, I am incredibly grateful to all our friends and family who wished us well on our departure; a thank you to everyone who made my heart so full and made us both feel so, so special. I miss you all, and am so excited for you to visit, and for us to visit home.

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When we arrived in Boston on December 3rd, we stayed in a hotel until the 16th- which was when our lease began. Hotel life was an adventure, but also a trial of our patience, I bet we occupied 350 sq ft for those two weeks, and it was less fun than you imagine with two adults and a dog. Since getting into our apartment and our movers arriving with all our belongings, we’ve slowly been able to explore our new city. Finn has adjusted to life here better than I expected, he hasn't used the potty pad I purchased for him even once, although the initial few days he didn’t "go" nearly as much as he normally does. Now, he’s found a strip of rubble and trash outside of our building that he has claimed as his “spot,” as well as a parking lot a block away that he's deemed acceptable to poop in. We live in the North End, the Italian district, so we have access to lots of decent pasta and pizza nearby, I’ve had a lot of fun exploring the older neighborhoods with Finn on our walks, it really is reminiscent of another lifetime.

Unfortunately, a pain point of our Boston lifestyle is Matthew’s work schedule. He works over 60 hours a week, which leaves him exhausted and very little free time, and that isn't including his daily 2 1/2 hour round trip commute. Sundays are his only day off, and since the car is with him every day at work, we spend most of our sabbath shuffling around and completing errands. Of course, I wish I got to have him home him more, but such is the life of a blue-collar man, and this isn’t something that I haven’t dealt with before.

To fill up my time, I’ve been in my arts and crafts era. I’ve completed a painting, almost completed all our Valentine’s Day cards (shoutout my cousin Emilie for inspiration), am working on a portrait for my friend Ethan’s mom, and have started creating a clay Holiday village for Matthew. It’s been fun to slow down and force myself to enjoy focusing on my little crafts instead of mindlessly consuming television or social media. Matthew and I stayed in Boston for Christmas since we moved so close to the holidays, and he got me a camera lens that I have been ogling since getting interested in photography. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find some random models to keep up that hobby, or else Matthew is going to have to become my muse.

Speaking of models, my parents came to Boston over MLK weekend which was amazing. Seeing them and being able to show them the small portion of Boston that I knew made being a long-distance daughter much easier. While they were here, I forced them to let me use my new lens and take their portraits. My dad did not have the patience for standing outside in the cold for very long, but for only having maybe 10 minutes and 0 practice with this lens, they got some good photos out of the deal. I included some of my favorites here. Just look at how cute they are together! My dad was celebrating 9 months of sobriety this January, and I am so fucking proud of him. Him evaluating his relationship with alcohol and deciding it was time for a change inspired me to take a hard look at my relationship with drinking, and since being out east, I haven’t had a drink either! It’s been at least a year since I’ve genuinely enjoyed the feeling of being drunk, and the aftermath the next morning is highly motivating for me to ditch the habit. Hangxeity is very much real over here- I feel so guilty and despite knowing I haven’t done anything bad I can’t mind-over-matter myself out of the funk. It’s been a refreshing change.

As far as resolutions go, for 2024 I’ve established quite a few goals for myself, the most important is to show up as myself. I want to be genuine and authentic no matter what circumstances present themselves. I don’t want to edit who I am regardless of who I am around because I want to attract people, places, and opportunities that align with the woman I am and want to be. I might be a boring old lady to some, but to others I might be someone that they want to know, or someone they don’t, and that’s okay too.

2024 Resolutions

• Be genuine & authentic, ALWAYS

• Prioritize time with Matt and Finn

• Explore Boston

• Read 36 books in 2024

• Make 4 homemade meals a week

• Workout 3x week

• Intentionally unplug every day (average screen time on phone <3 hours!)

• Take time to be a better friend (it's hard being long distance from ALL of my friends!)

• Re-prioritize 'by the day' and maintaining the blog

• Find craft projects (Photography, homemade cards, painting, etc.)

• I WILL be visiting Maria & Elio in Nicaragua! I'm manifesting it.

These aren't all my resolutions, but the ones that I can rattle off the top of my head without looking at my journal. Right now, I am desperately behind on my book reading and working out 3 times a week, but I am working towards my goal, which is what matters!

To my readers; Thank you for taking the time to catch up on what has been going on in my life- it's truly been a busy season. I hope the start of the new year has been as inspirational to you as it's been to me, and I look forward to us both chasing out our dreams in 2024. Let's go this thing!

Until the next post,